shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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