when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
