Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
