Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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