What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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