Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
