Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i out mim tonsoeep
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
