Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
