I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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