I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
