He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sober January is a disaster.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm too high and old for this...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
