I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
