I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
