in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
