dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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