Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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