It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
