He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
