i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
