I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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