Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
