dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Randomize
