it was like his penis was on wheels.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
