im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Mom said you looked used
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
