I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize