Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
