There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The uberlube is also flammable
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
