I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
