Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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