??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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