i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
