I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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