She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
