i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
