we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
