Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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