i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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