I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
