Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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