So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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