she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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