can we get nightvision for the apartment?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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