Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
