Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
