This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
