1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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