I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize