Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
