READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
