um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this is an emotional support booty call
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
