Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
