hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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