apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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