We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize