those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
