And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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