My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
