u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
