At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
worst night to have a conscience
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
