You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
