My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
