My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
