Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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