he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
