I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
