he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
