Got a toothbrush?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
