4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
